he was wearing sponge bob boxers. Guess how long he lasted.
Dude, you really need to stop hitting on girls by telling them you sang a cappella in college.
i found a dude playing guitar on the portapotty
FOR A FUCKING 40?! A FUCKING 40?! YOU GAVE THE CAT AWAY FOR BEER?!
I woke up around 30 bottles of beer, with a piece of aluminum foil in my hand, that had "you Win" Wrote in sharpie..
I heard porn and smelled bacon cooking. I knew you had to be home.
we found you in the closet, clutching coats that werent yours for stability
Also, last night I had a dream that I was in a victoria's secret fashion show and they made me wear a t-shirt over my lingerie. Spring dieting begins now.
We lost track of him for only 10 min and he gets kicked out for sneaking into the kitchen and trying to operate the deep fryer.
Blood. All over. Pre coke adventure needs to slow down unless I'm involved
We should drive around in your Jeep on snow days and get stoned while we help random strangers stuck in the snow. So much good karma.
I convinced a shit ton of people I was a russian foreign exchange student to get free drinks. I knew learning those accents would come in handy.
The tequila covers up the fact that the choco liquor tastes like sadness.
See I insist I'm not a groupie and then I say things like "will bang for a backstage pass".
You should have just fucked me in the bathroom when you had a chance!
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