masturbating is 5million times harder to finish knowing grandma is in the guestroom downstairs. just so you know.
I just shot gunned a beer for your birthday alone because you're too hungover at midnight to get out of bed. I'm not sure which of us is the bigger loser
i'll prob lay in bed. its weird not having to track my wallet down, its become such a weekly habit. i suddenly have so much free time
I took his sheets with my when I left seeing that I underestimated my period. Also grabbed a 6-pack out of the fridge because breakfast is the most important meal of the day & I don't do other peoples laundry for free.
I dont care how high you are "yes" is not the correct response to "what do you want from Taco Bell" Mom.
I always hoped that one day I'd have a sex position named in my honor.
DO IT, or I'll send you pictures of my hickey to remind you of your loneliness
The bad news is tonight is also a blue moon, ergo, latin, I will have to get 'once in a blue moon' drunk which I feel is significantly more dangerous than IPO drunk
What if everything solid was made of oreos and everything liquid was wine
I just got chills
I couldn't find a lighter, so I smoked a bowl with a birthday candle.
Also I would love to pregame at your place if I weren't stuck at mine drinking laxatives
There are grandparents doing keg stands I don't know
The fact that my boss lets me drink on my lunch break makes Mondays much easier.
Oh man. I threw up in the first cab. Got kicked out. Roamed somewhere for awhile. Fell asleep in the back if the second cab. Woke up in my underwear on the living room floor with a frozen pizza (thawed) laying next to me
breakfast this morning: omelette, Valium and baileys hot chocolate
Now that sounds like the breakfast of champions
Randomize
