i have yet to find a random guy that would make me want to do any position besides missionary, these are what normal people call "applying standards"
The chick I went home with last night had a happy trail
Suite mates just came in and said that we have to go to Africa. They're already packed. Didn't know you could get that high.
Well if I fail my finals for being drunk on Cinco De Mayo there is always next year to graduate.
You said that last year...
The little things make me happy. Little dicks do not.
peeing on that welcome mat was like, the highlight of my week
Hey, I didn't ask that stripper to put her unds in my mouth, it was just covered by the plus package fee I ordered.
Jesus these cramps...it's like every potential fetus I swallowed last night is personally punching me in the uterus
If thou doesn't answer thou phone thou shall receive a barrage of Dick pics. It's the eleventh commandment.
The problem with having sex on the couch is that your blanket ends up in the laundry and you're left cold on the couch the next day.
On another note I never thought having a drug addicted stalker would prove useful
I woke up with her finger in my vag. Let's just say that I'm one horny inquisitive drunk.
How drunk is too drunk to be on an airplane?
Heard I spat fire in your face last night. Wish I could say that I'm sorry
House vote, we're revoking your 151 privileges
I'm sorry.
He was like "why do you look so cute today?" and I said "I showered" and he laughed. I wasn't making a joke
Randomize
