Ps there is totally a drug addled prostitute in olympic pizza asking for change for a 100 bill
yes because when i jack off the first person i think about is christina applegate
She has more profile pics than tagged pics. narcissism at its best.
i just licked mashed potatoes off my blackberry. i'm not even ashamed to admit that to you.
Talking her gay man friend into dancing with me officially makes me the world's best wingman. ever.
We decided to have a girls night of four lokos, three of us cried and the other puked
Game over. He has a paternity test request on his table.
Drunkasaurus has found a new cave to eat all the children she captured
I need to get you away from Bacardi 151 and out from under the bed
he just sent me a picture of his penis sticking through a piece of paper that he had drawn a stick figure with tits on it that said "you"
I knew it was a bad night when the only thing I could remember was you force feeding me tortilla chips as I hugged the tire of my car and begged to have my stomach pumped.
he apologises profusely for spelling mistakes in his texts but doesn't care about cheating on me. priorities
Is it too early in the day to ask a nipple-related question?
I only want to come over for sex and blueberry pancakes
The irony of the fact that I'm going to be starting my period on Thanksgiving. Something to truly be thankful for.
dad says come back and get the lawn mower out of the pool before mom gets home
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