We traveled between two mile markers in 18 seconds. Do the math.
dude, the building's fire alarm was going off for over an hour last night and you didn't move
that's ok, when I'm passed out drunk I'm impervious to flame
I just came out of my doctor's office and i look into the window and i see a guy sitting in the front seat getting head.
why are you so shocked? you live in brooklyn.
we did it on the carpet and she just yells out "OH. MY PSORIASIS".
These pubs in Ireland act like hand jobs aren't the universal currency
Dude. He put me on a rewards point system for his dick. I have to do him favors now to build up to winning sex. This is shit.
when i first looked at you, you weren't wearing any pants. but then i realized you had them around your neck as a cape.
in the middle of fucking he asked me if i had gotten a haircut because he noticed i didnt have split ends anymore. i dont know what to think
Well my ankle is fucked up, everytime it pops I have a reminder of $200. Jager bomb night and the day we began to rebuild our friendship.
Why is it that when I sustain a serious injury people are more concerned with my level of inebriation than my personal safety?
Just wanted to say, I appreciate your bravery in having read receipts
You could totally spank that new found Catholicism out of him.
We were in bed, and he looked at me and asked if I'd be weirded out if he took his leg off. BEST.SEX.EVER.
I'm sorry I threw a frog in your car last night.
I think there is cocaine on my toothbrush.
Randomize
