Hotel room at 3 am. She's 42. Stockings and heels. All because I opened with a joke about cougar hunting. We'll high-five later.
Gay walks of shame are so much more Amy Winehouse than straight girls
I just realized last night I drunk-bought a flight to Florida for this weekend...kinda torn between the price and the potential of awesomeness
Tell me why I'm at Target and this entire Spanish family is crowding around the condoms questioning which ones they should get
What's the appropriateness of putting a 50 cent lyric in my gmas eulogy?
The last thing I remember is yelling "ill handle this" while wearing a lion suit and holding a jug of vodka when the RAs came
i mean, what better way to remind him of his failures in life than to fuck his roommate/fraternity brother?
Shes definitely an expert at this. Her happy hour goes from 4 to 11, then she starts drinking heavy. She also allots 15 minutes each hour for a pee/bj break
Oh I forgot to tell you that while you were in the bathroom last night I made friends with a gay man named Rodger from Venezuela and he kissed me cheek and told me I "knew how to shake my thing". From now on we go to the bathroom as a team.
he just hooked up with some chick in a bedroom upstairs so I just went to sleep in the pantry closet...
We literally just Chinese fire drilled so I could give him road head.
So... crashing at the hot bartender's place is not a solid marital decision.
Dude, I passed out on the side walk, lost my phone and shirt, and walked 12 miles home after I disappeared from the club
ive started thanking my toys after masturbating. might be time to get some fuck boys
I seriously feel like I just crawled out from under a shit covered rock. I'm NEVER drinking like that again...well, not for alteast a solid 3 hours.
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