I just woke up in bed with 4 girls. Either i dont remember the best night of my life or they think im gay.
rubbing her clit was like playing thumb war
Is it standard protocol to defriend someone after they give you chlamydia?
While at warped tour today a girl was crowd surfing and her vagina landed in my face, I call that a successfull day.
drunk making out is the fucking beeeest. specially when it's your exboyfriend
I wonder if you'll be as excited about this as you are now tomorrow morning.
come help me. im curled up in the fetal position on the upper floor of the lib. please bring more caffeine or alcohol
its ok. its hell week the lib is a no judgment zone right now
The whole movie was ruined when some chick started laughing with what you could tell was QUITE the mouthful. This of course made the guy laugh harder.
You didn't even properly utilize my pigtails.
Why is there a water bottle full of red wine on my desk this morning?
See you tonight.
Your text makes more sense read in reverse.
Its a holy bong. We had to bless the holy bong water.
Needless to say, I woke up on the bathroom floor wearing the dress that my mom wore to the wedding. That open bar stole my soul.
I mean, if there was a version of you with a penis, you'd fuck it...right? Like just outta curiosity at least
It's Valentine's Day, I figure for sure we'll have sex today, right? Wrong. I tried unsuccessfully for like an hour to get him to fuck me. Now he's asleep and I'm on my way to join the public library.
sober me doesnt really want him anymore, but when drunk me takes over, she might want him, and god only knows the shit that might happen with drunk me.
Randomize
