that's an acceptable place to lick
she came to the game with a camelback filled with booze. except it was only the bag part so she duct taped to her back
The dentist told me I have super glue on my teeth. I'm not blaming you I just want to know how that happened
I've come to realize sober is a rare time of the day.
We role played last night. I was Brandon Inge and she was some slut from Toledo. Let's just say Triple A might not be so disappointing after all.
Didn't know hookah bars could end badly. I feel for her hair
stop sending me battleship coordinates and get back here so i can suck your dick
You were asking her how her mother would feel if y'all dated, etc. And I was yelling at you your girlfriends name over and over again in between gags and sobs.
He took initiative. Dragged me into the kitchen and did me on the stove....while it was on! And then we made nachos.
He wants Portugal to lose so badly he threw out all the sangria. You know how depressing it is to watch someone dump 4 gallons of heaven?
Some dude peed on tonys floor because drunkness
They offered him a bucket as he was peeing and he was like "Nah, I'm good"
Your vagina felt like having sex with thanksgiving mashed potatoes. The best kind of mashed potatoes
Got a snapchat from Megan last night showing you sobbing about a burrito on the floor with Dan in the background trying not to laugh his ass off
I just tripped over a but plug that was on the floor. It's 430 in the morning
This is the most aggressive rendition of that Proclaimers song I ever heard.
Randomize
