I molested 6 butterflies tonight
i left the bar a little after you and ended up flipping my car in the arbys drive thru
I like you better when you drink
I like you better when I drink too
Just incase you were wondering, the count of ladies who have perioded on chairs at our fine restaurant is now at 3.
sometimes i think what itd be like to be a firework
Don't remember much from last night, but I recall slipping you the tounge. For that I apologize
I woke up with $100 in my pocket and I was so excited until I found an atm receipt for a $500 withdrawal. Not as exciting.
The house is trashed, there is porn scattered everywhere like an easter egg hunt and the blow up doll is sleeping on the couch downstairs. someone covered her up.
You offered me some of your "Jungle Juice." It was just 151 and Absinthe. I don't know how you are still alive.
I meant to thank you again for giving up a potential interracial threesome to come to my party. I'm glad you stayed!
Ok now a guy in a winnie the pooh costume is grinding on some chick to the song shots
Maybe. I want to have sex at the fire station, most likely on one of the trucks. I wonder if I can finagle that before I tire of the spelling and grammatical errors in his texts.
Seriously, why do I have a mortar round?
You spent an hour sitting naked in your neighbor's Jeep Wrangler yelling in a terrible British accent about how you were "on a safari". Then you passed out on your lawn.
He showed me his sex playlist and it looked good, so I slept with him.
Randomize
