Do you need to be saved?
No I think I'm God
operation "beaches make me wet" is a go
i might even pee on it at walmart i am so nervous
like why cant he just admit that he still wants to fuck me even though im underage
They want to listen to Lady Gaga while they puke.
I wrote and sealed my mom's mothers day card last night while intoxicated.. should i put it in the maibox
without a question
So you plan on doing double washing machine sex? Like. A double date. But with sex. On a washing machine..?
this is not the first time I've had hot dogs and 151 for thanksgiving.
Oh my god I just remembered I bit a stripper last night.
New rule: if you don't think racism exists, you don't get to put your penis inside me.
I mean you can one up her. Instead of ruining friendships you can ruin marriages.
I love the smell of your bedroom. It smells of a mixture of cherries, leather, and unrequited homosexual desire.
WTF was I supposed to tell them? "hi mom and dad, this is some rando I met on the internet. please ignore the noises that will be coming from my bedroom for the next 60-90 minutes. kthxbye."
I was too lazy to get my chapstick out of my purse so i lubed up my lips with pizza grease. On a scale of 1-10 how embarassed should i be?
Taking a shot every time the Russian in COD says vodka... BEST drinking game ever.
Randomize
