eating mexican with the mother in law. this meal made her decide to tell us about her colon cleansing diet
I just saw a hobo ride by on a unicycle. Good day.
all I know is he gave me a Cialis and tried to take me home.
It feels wrong to have dick mouth at a family dinner.
4 random people called me telling me they found him sleeping in the fetal postion on a driveway 45 minutes after we lost him
i feel like i got punched in the cervix. he's a little different in bed than i thought he would be..
I created a photogrid for every picture he has ever sent me of his penis. Now I can see every angle at one time. THIS IS GREAT.
My car windows are covered in lube. Happy 4th of July!
my throat is bruised, my back is scarred, my vagina feels like it's going to fall off.. you're like godzilla. you destroy everything.
A surplus of mistakes were made and I don't know what 89% of them were.
His face matches his life choices. Both are train wrecks.
You were trying to be sexy by spraying your contact solution on your chest and telling me to lick it off
These guys are just fucking with my heart instead of fucking me. They're fucking up.
in your professional opinion, what's the most elegant way of saying "sorry I spent all night flirting with you, I thought you were gay" ?
You know you've hit a new slutty low when you're simultaneously sexting and having a tea party with a 4 year old
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