put your party hat on. and by party hat I mean no panties
the the hell do you 'accidentaily" jizz on a shirt thats folded in a drawer?
My 8 year old wants to name our new cat "fur burger". how do i explain that this is not really appropriate?
He was at the bottom of the stairs showering himself with the popcorn, then eating a few handfuls and running around.
I shouldn't be home alone with this much peanut butter and the dog. I feel like i'm being recorded to see when my desperation will peak.
Tried making out with pop rocks in my mouth. That shit is magical.
IM A SHIT SUOW THE GUYS AT THE PMACR TOLD ME AJDBO I WEBF RO WALNARY WITH OU SHOES! I WASHT LLOWES FLOWERSA
I still can't believe he came down from his hiding place in the tree voluntarily because he didn't want us to have to talk to the cops alone...
I didnt realize how badly my legs were scratched up from power-fucking him in the bushes until kate dumped a bottle of vodka on me. that shit burnedddd
I think she finds the idea of a naked fat man lying on the table and holding our butter offensive
Well I mean he is in a slightly seductive pose
He expects to fuck my tits but will ignore me in public.
New discovery: your vibrator works on my balls. Technology is wonderful I love the future
No. I'm sorry but once your "would go gay for" list exceeds five people, you're bi. Get over it.
I hate her so much I want to fuck her boyfriend.
as i was trying not to drunkingly fall off her toliet, i noticed her socks laying there. i quickly grabbed them, ran upstairs, and excitingly asked her if she had gotten them at sams club. she replied with, "...those are your socks."
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