It's all fun and games until the last slice of pizza gets bong water spilled on it.
i just set an alarm for noon. fuck yes winter break.
once i realized i was actively trying to drink the beer i was sweating out of my body i knew it was time to go to bed
He jacked off on my pillow when he found out I left. It was like coming home and finding that your dog, with separation anxiety, had pooped in your shoes. I think I'm flattered...
WHY ARE YOU POKING HOLES IN MY 3AM LOGIC?!
Me. blonde. Sex. Dance floor.
It's a given that you're going to get peed on at a country concert
Wow. I feel like a bad friend. My fuckbuddy wished you a happy birthday before I did. The reality of that just hit me.
I have a new favorite bar game. It's called, get dressed up and go drinking alone then make up random stories of why you are alone to look less like an alc
He said, "cum on daddy's dick!" ... I pictured my dad. That just scarred me for life.
I am disappointed by everyone's lack of ability to dance on a stripper pole:(
All I know is I drank too much, danced too little.. yet somehow woke up on the floor in the arms of some cowboy.
I think my pussy is going to freeze to the ground
I think I've done enough damage with my vagina as of late, thank you
Why don’t they have healthy alcohol yet?
Randomize
