Things I find upon waking: a gay man, a straight girl both clad in web bathing suits, a full bathtub, an empyt bottle of jamesons at the bottom and a scuba mask
im surrounded by empty glasses of chocolate milk WTF
8th day he invented the big mac, 9th he invented pop rocks, 10th day boobs.
So you coming over for some grilled cheese and head?
Threesomes are so awesome. You even have company on your walk of shame :)
I mean it's my life so what if i want to drink Molson from my sparkly shoes and not regret anything
I want to meet new people and vomit on their things instead\n
You force fed me chocolate chips and avocados for 3 hours and kept asking me about my trip to sweden when I was 4.
Well, when he's back from China he's probably gonna be pissed I used the spare key he gave me to prove to everyone I'm fucking an NBA player. We took all his booze too.
Took out half a tooth with a handle of jim beam last night. Apparently I can't walk and chug bourbon at the same time
She clicked her fingers, said "here boy!", and pointed at her vagina.
One good thing out of all this is her ass is huge. Like Australia Big.
So do you want to be the old guy picking up a girl in a mini skirt who may be slightly buzzed before noon from college, or shall i walk over?
It's very finicky. Like baking. or BDSM.
Fucker was flying a Bruins flag. He can pick up the dog's poop himself.
Randomize
