i am a beautiful darrk chocolate womann
honey you're def caucasian
i am a beautiful white cholcllate woman.... Z
I woke up at 7am naked in my bathtub with the shower running. My apartment was so full of steam that my ceiling was dripping. Who thought it would be okay for me to get my own place, anyway?
just got 3 freshman girls to makeout with each other at a toga party! score!
why is this not a picture message?!?!
I closed that bar. Sang every Beatles song in the book. Made Somoan friends.
You ever just wake up and decide, today I'm going to eat a whole bag of fritos and a tub of cream cheese
I'm unsure as to how you were able to snapchat me with your hands duck taped to beer, but I appreciated it nonetheless.
Ok. I'll enjoy the quiet (translation: I might be naked, call ahead if you come home tonight)
You fell out of the chair and then lifted your foot saying, "If my foot could give you the middle finger it would."
he wouldnt let me in bed until i took off all the stickers i was covered in
Today's walk of shame includes last nights hair and make up, an 8 hour shift, me leading a meeting and me throwing up in a parking lot on my way to work. Dear world, you're welcome.
Instead of a fine and a few hours in jail he chose to get tasered, break his neck and shit his pants
It's not even 11, i dropped a shot glass, nick is bleeding, and everyone is drunk
When you sleep in the bathroom, you're no longer a guest.
HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT
So I just ran in to the Couger you saw me take home last month who i haven't talked to since then at Wawa and she was PISSED.. APPARENTLY i fucked her niece last week
Someone made a Christmas song to the Flintstones theme and I'm suing for emotional distress.
Randomize
