I just ate 3 burrito supremes and a crunchwrap...can't feel feet...I think I have diabetes
We better get laid next semester cause I prayed hard
I even walked 30 feet with my eyes closed from two love rocks so that we get some cock
He famously once noted that women should wear white "like all other domestic appliances,"
new years resolution: more sex, less car punching, more chipotle.
I can handle NPR. I speak hippie. I took it in college.
I think she just stepped in a piece of mac and cheese, picked it off the bottom of her foot and ate it.
There are not enough shots in the world for this. We walked in and they shouted "the pilgrims are here!" And then someone handed me a turkey leg the size of my arm.
We were all drunk for the whole flight. Steve doesn't even remember the cab ride to the airport. At 6am. Says he "blacked back in" at security.
my roommate just showed me the scar on her forehead... that she got from a shake weight... That. just. happened.
Put it this way, at one point I was getting stoned on the roof of the strip club with one of the strippers while another one gave me a free lap dance. That wasn't even the best part of the night.
i need to stop celebrating other people's birthdays like they are m own.. my body can't handle a birthday every week
I told the cop to try walking in heels and he'd understand why I was walking home without then on. He told me he only does that on Wednesdays.
Casually on the bus at 830 in the morning with a box of cheezits and a bottle of fireball sticking out of my purse....
A stranger came up to me, pointed at my drink and asked what it tasted like and proceeded to chug half of it and then walked away.
Nothing makes the walk of shame as great as disapproval from a mom getting ready for work
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