dear vagina, thank you for making it so goddamn hard to get pregnant. i love you.
i stuck my finger in my ass and it felt weird. but you know. it should be different when a guy does it right?
Just made hot dog dorito pasta. It happened.
I am literally hand feeding my crying ex boyfriend taco bell. What has my life become?
You should know me better than that. I don't whore around. I promise this is a blowjobs only kind of trip.
I've reached the point to where my pre-gaming needs to be limited to pre-inning-ing
It seems that only way I've actually improved myself after 2 years of writing for the school newspaper is that I've mastered the art of descriptive words to improve my sexting skills
100 proof captain the only man who can make me strip during a snowstorm
Everyone heard you scream that I was to be naked, in your bed in 5 minutes. We were one hell of a shitshow spectacle
The whorange rubbed off. His white shirt was so gross at the end of the night I told him to frame it.
You know the sex was good when he had to ask which way was north before he left.
Clearly I'm trying to change the world one fuck at a time
you DO IT for the people
BTW, does Anne know that we used the lipstick she is currently wearing to was used to write the word "ASS" on my ass cheeks last night?
I SWEAR TO ALL THAT IS HOLY I HAVE NEVER WIPED MY GENITALIA ON ANY TYPE OF EMERGENCY RESPONSE VEHICLE!!
Okay penises are actually pretty exciting. The people attached to them are an entirely different story
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