Just spent the rest of my time at that bar trying to keep a probs underage closet gay from touching my kitten to prove he still likes girls.
wow wtf my bar tab was 80 dollars
IT WAS DOLLAR BEER NIGHT
i'm out of college. that means no more sex on a twin bed. ever. i don't care how big his dick was. i'm classy like that.
Woke up with a full plate of KFC next to my face. I didn't really question it.
Well, if he didn't want to get caught mid-gay experience by his girlfriend, he shouldn't have pushed so hard to do MDMA with me.
My dad used the quotation mark gesture with his hands when he asked how my "roommate" was doing.
That may be because I drunkenly sent him a pick of you two curled up together like kittens. Two very buff kittens.
Thank you for deleting me from Instagram. Also, I'm carrying your child. Happy new year!
I have to go buy generic plan b after work. I don't even leave for the new semester for another 11 days. I think I just leveled up in sluttiness
Oh wow and I have a bunch of portable wine glasses called to go coffee cups
i feel like ive seen the light, but not in the nasty christian way. thats gross. say no to jesus, kids
I touched a dick in church today
What the hell did you do last night?
I embarrassed myself, my family, name, and possibly my country.
He was imitating a sprinkler when he started puking. Hence- vomit sprinkler. Some people just can't handle their tequila
She looks like a character that batman would try to kill, or something.
Today will be the day I throw up in my backpack in the middle of class
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