Mr ***** is in bed with his super hot wife giving her 18 inches of pleasure
mark tries to be a total badass to make up for the fact that he's a poor man's pete wentz
Dude I just heard my boss singing from the bathroom "I love making poop"
Hopefully. Play it cool. Bust out a few jokes. Chew with your mouth closed and show your boobs.
They called security on the security guard who tried to break up the party in their suite. You tell me how drunk they were.
I tried carrying you from the bathroom to your bed and you begged me to bring the toilet too
i swear to god. if they dont have practically DTF written on their foreheads, or a glowstick in their hands, strictly no entry.
No, I did not fuck him for football tickets. I fucked him for tickets to the superbowl. I'm not that much of a slut.
you peed off the balcony at your sisters and asked someone below to catch it with a cup
Also can you rate on a scale of zero to jesus restraining order christ how creepy it is that he found a porn star that looks like me and has watched all the porn that she's been in
Hey my vagina is like a company. Everyone has an equal opportunity....
just yelled CURVEBALL at my nightie because it turned out to be a pair of shorts
So what's the protocol on sending your exes new wife a baby shower gift that says "thanks for getting him the hell out of my life, please keep him there!"?
so.. please tell me you did not really sleep on the washing machine last night
guilty
I mean...if Marco gets pregnant, it is either the spawn of Satan or the second coming of Christ (neither of which I want in my life). So let's just hope that he doesn't grow a womb and that we don't have to consider either option.
Randomize
