im pretty sure i tried to attack the vending machine last night
lol who won
well im in the hospital right now so u tell me
There is a semi-attractive guy at the door who's looking for you. Says he met you on Chatroulette. Start explaining NOW.
He spanked me with a plate. I'm not sure where this is going...
Retelling stories from our semester makes me realize we need to get tested for herpes.
i seriously wanted to pee on her right then.
Listen up tinkerbell, You're gonna come to the bar, hit on some fat chicks, and step up when I punch someone in the face.
Of course I will... FYI I just gave my balls a crew cut.
Our group of friends now have more broken bones than reasonable excuses for why they're broken.
I snapchatted him nudes and he didn't screenshot a single one of them because he's a gentleman.
Just saw the bridesmaid use her new sister in law as a stripper pole
She invited us over for cocaine and donuts
I think that maybe Alyssa may of had too much to drink. is it normal for her to straddle random people in quizno's?
I'm drinking on a Thursday because I can
Today is Wednesday you jobless drunk
Unless it has to do with ramen, goldfish, cheese, or rugby, don't talk to me.
Dude, she was there with her husband and I was there with my wife. Of course we banged in the bathroom.
Randomize
