Come back if u want to. I'll do some dirty shit to u mamacita.
fuck, i think i'm broken. Alchyhol air mattress = the suck.
Where you at
assisting at a photo shoot in williamsburg till 7ish. wassup?
Doesn't matter. I already jerked off in your bed.
i wanna stay in my bed and fart for a few more hours
i decided not to call her again when she started singing "goodbye my lover" as i was walking out the door..
Superbowl and Mardi Gras a week apart. World's longest bender here I come.
yea im pretty sure it has something do with my love of forearms...
Tip of the day: Don't ever send a bootycxall at 3 in aftnoon. No one will respond n u'll just feel fooolish.
Spent fifteen minutes in the car thinking i was psychic before i realized the cd was not on shuffle
Do normal couples celebrate occasions naked with Chicken McNuggets and BBQ sauce?
If not, I can murder my liver twice...it's like a cat, it has 9 lives
Too hungover to brush my teeth. took a swig of menthol schnapps instead. lazy or incredibly efficient?
Youre my hero
All our friends are getting married, and I'm the dateless guy bringing molly to their weddings.
its Niagara falls. its like international waters. You can get away with anything there
Did you guys just have three hour sex? You both stopped and restarted texting me at the same time
If I were to say yes, would we still be friends?
Randomize
