How many nights a week you wake up with sticky boxers cause you were dreaming of Clay Aiken? Your wife mad?
Get out...Run...Or there's going to be a dick in your mailbox
I was just told by a cop that my party was the most epic party they ever crashed
Just saw a bouncer shoot a stripper with a squirt gun. He looked at me n said,"gotta keep em in check." I'm in love with this place
In retrospect, getting to second base BEFORE anal wouldve been a good idea
Don't make this awkward for me. Don't let your mom come near the bathroom. I can't meet your mom for the first time while I'm shitting. Dont make this awkward.
We saluted the chips to the national anthem before cooking them. The house has to get a munchies fryer
You told me my blanket felt like ground beef.
I think the cashier could tell I was sad. All I bought was penis shaped food and chocolate
Also he said my vagina was sculpted by gods so there must be some feelings here.
She just walked out of her bedroom naked and asked me to help put her diaper on. Yeah, that pretty much sums up the last 24 hours...
People trash cargo shorts, but I'm like, sorry I had room for beers and you didn't.
I will be the DD but everyone has to call me Mistress
I almost accidentally threw him out a window during sex last night.
I feel like everything in my life has been preparing me for my future sex robot experience
You’re so close!!!
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