Did you know that when you swallow it's like 60 calories!?
That's okay, it's all protein anyway.
I think we should involve a squid next time we fuck.
u kno there is a reason i dont tell mi friends about u
You were running around the house covered in syrup, with shredded down pillow feathers on your body screaming "AFLACK!" at everyone
He keeps the condoms in his bible. I guess stairs or elevator, we're getting to hell one way or another.
Sorry no. I've already promised my first single hookup to somebody.
thanks for paying me in special brownies...but brownies dont pay the rent...anymore.
I told him I was engaged, had 911 on speed dial and made him wear his seatbelt, then dropped his drunk ass off at his motel...probably not the night he was expecting.
The only image of you you know is from reflections or pictures. Its 2d. But what other people see is 3d. How do you know that's your real face! MIND.BLOWN.
Was I at least a good cuddler? Like at least honorable mention?
His mom walking in on us having sex was probably the highlight of the night
Somehow reaching for the flaming hot cheetos ended up in the best sex of my life
Well I'm back. Could you fill me in on what I missed?
You don't want to know. Trust me.
sometimes you just have to listen to beyonce and cry. that's how life works
He just showed up at my house with a giant box of Trojans and a 6-pack of Yoohoo "for a special treat afterwards". I'm in love.
Everyone in Columbus is two degrees of separation from my vagina.
Randomize
