You're going to have to start masturbating with your left hand. Or with someone's vagina
I was just referred to as 'the margarita slut' by an 11 year old.
Naturally, I just peed all over the floor. Two guys in front of me looked at me, but i just shrugged. They won't remember either.
...that's why he's not doing anything with his life except breeding geckos
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how did the keg end up in the top bunk?
i convinced her i need a blow job every morning to wake up because i have a medical condition.
We are getting high tomorrow and being statues at the cafeteria. Come find us.
Yes, but it's not new to me. It's like every time a new guy finds out I'm a squirter it's a novelty so they make me squirt and squirt and squirt until their bed is completely soaked. And then afterwards they complain that there isn't a dry bit to sleep on. No shit Sherlock.
It's sitting in bleach right now. You will be the creepiest coolest dude in my book if you made a bracelet from my tooth.
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I feel that my cleavage set an unattainably high bar for 2013.
Last year I got a dildo in the mail on my birthday. Today it was just a credit card bill. Sadface.
I left my panties in the microwave for too long and they caught on fire
Woke up, bank account is empty. Sock is still full of blood. Nothing in my pockets but a wireless mic and jenga pieces.
he was just sitting there in his underwear... and his chewbacca mask...
I just washed down my antidepressant with some pineapple wine. I'm the picture of mental health this holiday season
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