Yea went to the bars and he called me 2 hours later with random people saying he is at a place that i don't think exists
you need to leave class get on facebook and start untagging IMMEDIATELY
Apparently suggesting that she was the kind of girl who might be expected to kill someone's pets hurt her feelings...
So howd u manage to get high at a one year olds birthday anyway?
Remember when you picked me up from my walk of shame with a bike, I came out wearing a Ninja Turtle costume and you let me ride the pegs to thoroughly display the embarassment
mary just dropped the yahtzee dice in her wine. and shes throwin em like shes on a craps table.
hahahaha slap the bag.
I just made a cocktail. Had one shot of vodka left. It looked lonely so I decided to reunite it with its vodka friends in my bloodstream.
Starting the day at 1:44 in the afternoon. With a hot pocket and a mixer. Who knew my life had this kind of possibility.
well, I yelled "the tribe has spoken!" at a boatload of people and then I walked home alone in the pouring rain at 1:30am. karma really is a bitch, yo.
Mom just sent me an email. The subject line is "How to avoid a urinary tract infection"
LET IT GO MOM
Did I really make a PSA to that garage party that you wanted to bang him?
You gave a whole fucking speech. It was inspiring.
Your life is quite full of dick lately.
It really is!
My room looks so cute. Who wouldn't want to hook up with me in here?
a victory without nudity is not really a victory
I looked into this "it's just lunch" matchmaker thing and it was like 5 grand. If I'm gonna spend five grand I'll throw in another three and get new tits and find my own fucking husband.
Between randomly bursting into tears and the reappearance of my lost sex drive, this break up has left me bizarrely damp.
Randomize