Don't be mad at me. I know peeing in your drawer is 1 thing and peeing on you while you're sleeping is another, but im sorry..i love you
Approach what situation? Look, I dunno if you think I'm like some lezbo cheetah waitin in some shrubs to pounce on you the second I see you, but I'm not!
well, everyone in my office is getting a nice laugh right now. But seriously... please delete my number
you sent me the whole alphabet, one letter a text. it took 15 minutes to read them all
I don't know if the fire truck was perfect timing or if she actually burned something down.
Someone changed my text signature to "Also, I think I might be gay" last night. Also, I think I might be gay
oh, it's pms. I almost cried yesterday bc my roommates didn't seem perky enough when I got home.
she was eating donuts out of the garbage. enough said.
Ever find yourself wondering if your life is God's way of telling a joke?
You overflowed the toilet cuz you tried to flush apples. you said they were singing too loudly
I had such a pleasant walk of shame. The sun was shining, I smiled at all the high school suckers who judged me on their way to school, and I made friends with an old guy and his dog.
My teacher just let our class out 30 minutes early, its a 50 minute class. He said the only thing we had to do was get fucked up tonight and have stories about it on Monday.
Is it too early to start pregaming for St. Patty's?
Seriously considering modifying my computer case so it can dispense wine. I need to make a bunch of changes and reorganize it's guts anyway....
Note to self: Calvin Klein's are not safe to shit in.
I was pretty pissed in the morning when I realized he had fucked the fake tattoo right off my chest.
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