he has cookie breath... dont trust fat people.
just because she blew him doesn't mean she knows his name.
DO NOT FUCK HIM ON MY BEAN BAG CHAIR
my life is one jail cell away from being a bad country music song.
It's what America was founded on: former hookups referring you for a job four years later.
I was riding her and she yelled "fuck me" then someone in the room next door yelled "you don't have to say it if youre doing it."
She thinks I should try and corrupt him and take his virginity. While I do love virgins, I'm a little too lazy to put in the corruption effort right now. That's a summer kinda job.
Left and drinking by a bar by myself. Everyone is in pajamas. I'm in a tuxedo. This is my life.
What drink are we having for lunch?
Well I let her practice her tattooing on me. This shaky dragon on my arm says Im getting laid.
So far in the last ten minutes I have tried to pour cereal into a plate. Today's gonna be a great day.
I DONT UNDERSTAND NIPPLES. THEY JUST POP OUT FOR NO REASON
Well somebody's had a rough day, nipple-wise
Buying her a drink is like giving a seagull a French fry, all you're gonna do is get annoyed and shit on
Giiirrrllll. Back to back snaps of dicks. Two different guys sent me their dick at the same time. This is totally what our founding fathers meant with life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness.
well i blew him then my wife blew him, so im guessing we'll be seeing him around, yeah
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