so i woke up with ketchup and a sticky boob on my face...this is a new low
I just want to know how you cleaned her puke off the twister mat with no gloves. And didn't throw up
It's going to be great. They guy at the store said 3 shots and you won't be able to feel your face or stop smiling.
My little brother got home at 4am too, we drunk ate together. It was a kodak moment.
I'm crawling around naked in my room looking for my hairbrush. Just thought I'd put that image in your head.
I waited so long to accept his friend request that he canceled it. So I added him and when he accepted I deleted him. I wonder how long this will be funny to me
I think I'm about to have sex with a second person before noon hehehhe! You're welcome America.
I still have his teeth marks on the base of my penis. You didnt miss much
There are panties and mini bottles of Fireball in my purse. Except for the broken toe incident, I'd say last night was probably a success.
I don't even remember what he looks like. All I know is he's 6 foot 100. I like that.
We knew we were dealing with a pro when some random guy at the bar thew you over his shoulder and you still didn't spill your drink
Strangely enough, that's not the first time that's happened
Nobody feels the need to text me back. Men. And I sent myself a message saying nakedness. I'm all the man I need.
you should never start the day with a boob text. It can only go downhill from there
Went on a blind date. Afterwards I ripped my pants off and said "it's game time". He was into it.
I just watched a squirrel take down a snake,life isn't so bad after all.
Randomize
