I'm going to shit on something weird... I can't wait
Why can't we have signs that automatically flash on our foreheads that say not interested when gross ugly guys come around, like those glasses that get dark when the sun comes out?
my periods are so regular now that they are sync-ed with my subscriptions of vogue.
some guy just walked up to the bench i was on, backflipped off of it, gave me his number and walked away....i love this city
If she doesnt understand your inherent need to teabag an emo chick, do you really want to be with her?
Not rlly sure. Might just drink and sleep. Gotta wake up for my last rabies shot lol
Where are you, who is in my bed, why is he wearing a spandex onesie as underwear, how did i get teethmarks on my forehead, what are we doing tonight?
the last call horn was blaring when I tried peeling you off the bathroom floor than you uttered "Ill take the toothless one.'
I would lick a homeless mans crack teeth for a cup of coffee right now.
While we were driving she just screams from the backseat: MUMFORD AND SONS DROP THE BANJO and made what were meant to be banjo sound effects
Yeah I just don't know how I feel about my fuck buddy coming to work at my dads office with me.
That's what you get for doing kinky shit with a guy that lives in his moms basement.
Is this what it's like to be an adult? You plan out play dates for your vagina?
She was nothing like her profile said, we had nothing in common, and her picture mustve been like 30 pounds ago. But yeah we hooked up
You gotta do what you gotta do. Like how I gotta drive in the rain to go get chicken nuggets. I just gotta.
Randomize
