Check if I'm alive tomorrow. If not, tell my parents I died happy and that there's a gay cheerleader in the spare bedroom
Can you please check on Jay? He just called and left a Backstreet Boys song on my voicemail. Either it's 1998, or someone needs to go back to rehab.
you started crying about dinosaurs being extinct
that's why i woke up holding that dina girls hand
she's a dina-saur
my debit card account is gonna say movie, movie, ice cream, movie, cheese fries, get a fucking life, movie
Why is your signature on my underwear?
You sprayed lysol all over me. You said that my soberness was infecting your night.
I couldn't get past the raccoon on my porch so i slept on my lawn.
I have reached the point in my life where I realized this is what I'm going to do for the rest of my life. Eat, shit , bar, drink, drank, drunk.
I was a battlefield of empty bottles and bodies. We though we won, but the booze had the last laugh.
While he was gone for spring break I took his head board... I don't wanna wake up from his shenanigans for the rest of my college career.
Dude it's sisterhood of the traveling wine glasses here
Hun, it's always cinco de Drinko in our family. It's like Groundhog Day. Only with more booze.
I'm a bit broke right now... Would it be OK if I pay you in champagne and Xanax?
You need to finger her with the Spock hand sign since she loves Star Trek.
Someone who makes you cum so hard that you have an asthma attack is clearly your soulmate
I feel like my toilet water looks different when outsiders use my bathroom...
Are you high right now?
HOW DID YOU KNOW!
Randomize
