Everytime we come here you have an ex here.
Guess what? I had way too much to drink today. I'm properly wasted. Doing chores and playing video games while drunk. It's the nexus of stupidity and responsibility.
i can now get sex on a playground off my list of things to do in life.
i feel like my life has become an afroman song and idk whether i should be sad about that or not
I hate it when hot girls behave. It's so anticlimactic
so today in my theology class we brought up the proper way to have sex. so rough sex was said by the teacher...I said I know a girl that likes to be choked. sorry but everyone knew it was you
Just flooded the bathroom while masturbating in the shower. Managed to squeege most of it up. Desperately need to get laid.
last night we stole an a/c window unit from a frat. gonna be a great summer
I showed up to a booty-call in my onesie pajamas and rubber boots
"I gave a guy a handjob last night, on a dog bed, inside a fireplace. It's going to be a good year."
When he texted me, I got a little wet. Until he asked me to get Jimmy Johns before I got to his house.
I masturbated to my balding thirty-something co-worker last night. I am a new level of lonely.
Dude I just saw a beer truck w taps in the side... It's like god heard my prayers and sent me a gift from heaven
I had a dream I got back with Amanda. And then cheated on her the same day. Even my conscious is a dick
What's that? Is there a bottle of Jack calling me? I think so...
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