hey babe thanks for tonight, it was fun.
to be honest, i wanna fuck your friend.
I climb out of my sunroof. I mean its kind of embarrassing but part of me feels awesome and ninja like.
Just fyi NOT a good idea to drunkenly insert your NuvaRing after chopping jalepeno peppers
I think vodka calistinics prior to and during beer olympics was a bad idea
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If I had known I was gonna take my tights off and throw them over the balcony I would have shaved my legs.
Watching the 1st game of the world cup. I'll drunk dial you at 8:30 to wake you up for work.
I know, but I was really high and I felt like a failure dragon because I could only blow smoke, no fire.
I cannot take someone's straight and gay virginity in one threesome. It's just too much responsibility.
Well, now that you have a gf, its gonna be awkward when I get drunk and make out with you..... Then later, pretend like I don't remember.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I feel like I'm laying on a pillow cloud. With little baby angel fingers between me and the cloud lifting me up. Singing hymns in my ear.
it was like teleporting. everytime i opened my eyes, i was somewhere different... usually the floor.
You just managed to turn Doctor Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
Was so high at one point last night that while showering I was worried that using too much hot water would slow down our Internet.
Fuck you, i'm all jacked up on bananas lets go somewhere
I finally selected an outfit that says "I'm not easy" but still shows off the tittays.
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