We walked past a group of guys in front of a bar last night and they claimed, I quote: Wow, we'd actually have to work for that.
Corey Haim died. 80's me is so sad
Hurry there's a dancing lesbian. She's a jumper and has impeccable jazz hands.
At some point we were all eating banana flavored rolling papers.
She is high at the bar - she thinks the bottle of frangelico is aunt jemima telling her to stop doing drugs.
He ate me out like a beaver on a tree. I've never been so scared in my life
She just pored wine down the turkeys hole and said that she christened it like the whore that it is...happy thanksgiving.
Just saw the guy I slept with last night in a bar. He gave me a high five and kept moving
And, omg, my eyelids are on fire. I think the internet let me down. :(
I asked my boyfriend if he wanted a bong for his birthday but he instead asked for corndogs
the cheaper the better
Just for once I'd like my first interaction with a new GP to not be an obvious sex injury.
I came so hard I literally levitated off the top of his dick. Gravity was no match for that orgasm!
Idk I think he's weird but he's also from Wisconsin so that might have something to do with it.
A girl in McDonalds just asked if I was in here wasted a few nights ago throwing fries at the staff, I said it was my twin
We both know that wasn't me
I woke up with a jacket; in it passport, hockey tickets, sunglasses, credit card, bank transactions
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