when my dick couldnt get hard she said "fly on little wing"
at 4 in the morning i heated a family sized mac n cheese for a minute and decided to eat it frozen cuz I didn't wanna wait for that long
The worst mistakes make the best memories. Write that down.
he had a sign stolen from the tennis court hanging above his bed that said, "please limit play to one hour while others are waiting"
she tossed me in the back of the car and said "god gave u the gift of life and I wanna swallow it"
I love waking up with his head head between my legs, it makes me feel special
Hey.. Here's a thought for the evening. There's only two more sleeps until I fuck you so hard my back teeth will convulse.. Here's too Tuesday! Woohooooo
Blonde girl lying face-down, passed out next to my bed, walls are covered in guacamole. College is looking excellent.
Apparently I yelled "Spring Break 1984" at a drunk couple fighting on the side of the road.
The last thing I remember is singing hotel California with a hobo and asking every bald man I saw if I could touch his head.
In my drunk state I was like I ONLY HAD SEX WITH SOMEONE ELSE BECAUSE HE WAS THE HOTTEST GUY IVE EVER EVEN SEEN
One three hour marathon fuck session and now she's divorcing her husband. Should I get business cards made?
Umm...sounds like a maybe. I broke my nose and have surgery next wed but if I'm ok by Friday I'm down.
I heard Enya coming from steve’s room. I am too high to handle this sudden depth of character
Just had an emotional break through with the dog. That high.
Randomize
