I walked into my house this morning to find an 18 pack on the counter. I think that's gods way of ringing the bell for round two.
it will be a sad day when drinking racks of keystone isnt socially acceptable anymore
apparently drunk me likes to play hide the puke.. was not a fun time washing all my legos.
She is chewing on staples and spitting them at her cat, I think it's time to leave..
Any day you don't mysteriously wake up in the garbage is a good day.
Our idea of a "deep conversation" was successfully forming complete sentences.
The horrors my penis has endured I wouldn't wish upon any man.
Climbing out Mr. Friday night's bathroom window. He thinks I'm puking. Be on state st. with the getaway car and if you could bring me a shirt and some advil that'd be dandy.
So proud. See you in five. I've got coffee.
How do you tell an ex that banging less hot chicks than me is highly insulting? I almost want to try and get him laid with a pretty girl just to save some face for dating him so long.
mom how many of the songs from my childhood are mexican drinking songs?
all of them.
I have never paid for drugs and I'm sure not going to start today especially on a holiday
Are you okay? You're not sitting at home on facebook. I'm worried about you.
Sexting just isn't as much fun once you learn how bad he is in bed...
My ex boyfriend just amazon primed me a vibrator...guess I seemed stressed?
not even sure this counts as hungover but like my body can't exist in reality today
Randomize
