Just had sex with a girl from Italy. The only english she knew was Obama campaign slogans. Her screaming, "Yes we can!" as I was railing her not only turned me on but allowed my neighbors to know it was consentual.
I have fifteen cents in cash and 80 cents in the bank. BUT I have weed.
Those motion detector trash cans don't work fast enough to catch puke.
okay, this game isn't funny anymore. tell us where all the forks are.
did i walk over a car last night?
We found a swing set....it's in the front yard.
Fair warning: We've transformed the living room into a giant tent.
Apparently drunk me thinks it's a good idea to put drops of acid in assorted open drinks in the fridge... This should be a fun week.
Did you blackout Saturday before or after we had sex in a random snow bank?
I need thought I would ever have to use the phrase "Don't fart on that Calzone".. Thanks for that
His girlfriend left him for the pizza guy. I am not fucking kidding.
I've had your balls on my face a bunch of times so the least you could do is buy a girl some dinner.
He told me that he wants to fuck me only wearing a princess tiara...How could I possibly say no to that?
Somehow I don't think offering me edibles is what dad meant by checking in on me
They're the hard candy kind!
I'd rather plunge my eyes out than acknowledge being related to either of my brothers
Randomize
