Don't be scared. It'll feel very good. And you'll be clean afterwards. I'm growling right now.
So I feel really bad about last night...can i give you a blow job and we call it even?
I think I'd do Clint Eastwood.
...kinda gettin a major gay vibe from you right now.
That was a text you sent me last night.
Holy mother of cocks. I was grind-with-my-boss drunk last night.
We're too lazy too send a pic of out balls. Just assume this is a pic of our balls and respond accordingly.
come over after work tomorrow, liz and i will make all of your wildest dreams come true. so long as your wildest dreams involve drinking champagne at my house with two girls who won't have sex with you.
I was an emotional waste case that night. She made me stroke her ponytail.
By the way, I got bored last night and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
His name sounds so important....sounds like the name of my future baby daddy to me.
I wonder if you're allowed to smoke pot at Denver bronco games now...
it's not like I want to die, I just want life to stop for a little bit. how does that work?
What guy invites over a booty call, gets all naked and then when the real fun begins and a condom is needed, claims to not have one? And wears socks THE entire time?
Update. A gay dude just told me I'm the most beautiful thing with a vagina he as ever seen. How should I feel about this?
You were making out w/ur brothers coach against a door when someone opened it and you both fell through... Then you continued to make out on the ground
I don't know. I just have an affinity for nudity when I'm drunk.
How the hell am I supposed to tell that to a group of eight year olds?! It was three in the afternoon for fucks sake!
Randomize
