Sorry about last night..I didnt realize how drunk you were and when I closed the door it caused you to slam into the mirror...you'll probably piece together the puzzle when you read this and see your hand.
He gave them shots of purell and called it "acid rain" jello shots. They took them.
I hate freshman.
Hello you've reached the get a clue corp. Our business hours are from take a hint to figure it out, eastern standard time. If you prefer to leave a message, don't, call back when you're not crazy, fat, and annoying.
I can honestly say I've never had orange soda poured on my vagina before, that's a story for the grand kids
Went to the wedding reception, and he left with ALL of the brides maids phone numbers. I don't know how he does it either.
New level of stoned. My Terry's Chocolate Orange didn't 'whack-and-unwrap' so I ate it like an apple.
My professor just told me I'm living a lie and I found puke on my pants. How do you think it's going?
This would be a good time to bring up the fact that my spider-man fork is MIA
Asking the homeless man what buss shelter is the warmest was not a good idea
AFTER I licked the bald guys head they told me we weren't playing
HE WAS DRESSED LIKE A FISHERMAN AND HE WAS LIKE OH SHIT I THINK I JUST FOUND THE DEADLIEST CATCH i couldnt not go for it my honour compelled me
Every time I burp I plan an escape route because I'm scared I'm gonna puke on grandma
We couldn't leave for the bar until he spent 10 minutes adjusting his vaporizer. I want to drown him in beard oil.
Its like the floor is slow but life is fast?
I see you found the nyquil...
Want to come over and dangle your tits on top of me like a skewer?
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