I think I'm going to be in trouble for sneaking out last night. My Dad saw me drive up this morning when he was leaving early for work.
What'd you say?
I told him I was sleep driving
The saltiness of my tears mix perfectly with the tequila.
Yes, do intervene. Unless it involves cowboys with loud trucks and hard 9 inch dicks. Then just come back for me in the morning.
i'm already feeling the tequila hangover i'm going to have on friday
you can't wake me up at 4am to suck your dick and then give me a high five at the bar
Holy christ fuck what has my trainwreck of a life come to just blew a 17 year old so help me god
I just got checked out by a paramedic whilst their sirens were on. I'm doing something right
you were leaning up against the wall pulling your shirt up asking girls to dance on you. your courage to do that is both admirable and frightening.
I feel like the way dolphins mate would be the approach that a guy would have to use in order for you to sleep with them
4 people stoned, 3 boys I've slept with, 2 I gave chlamydia, and a partridge in a pear treeeeee
How festive
Do you remember trying to make pizzas with the domino workers last night...while trying to speak their language with them.. spanish?
So I deleted all the text from my phone, was looking for my mom's coffee order and show the coffee guy the pic of me eating pussy.
You were drinking whiskey from a beer bottle i dont know what you really expected...
I just rolled a blunt at my desk. Happy early Friday!
The guy like flippppped out and made me pay $15 for a car wash. I thought I was being extremely courteous by making sure to puke outside the window
Randomize
