Mom and Dad are dead. Trust fund
I felt like Norm from Cheers walking into the free clinic.
I took her to see 2012 then broke up with her, the movie was a metaphor.
hot twin vs twin who's good in bed. why do my life choices same way unfair
Woke up with a raging boner...good feeling abt this trial
It's been two days. I am still burping up jello. Everything tastes like jello. Everything smells like jello. I am DONE with jello shots.
Bad Decision October is in full swing. I was telling people that "I put on eye makeup today, I'm takin' a dude home with me!".
What do you want to swallow. Press 1 whiskey press 2 rum
After you threw up you would repeatedly say "napkin" like a siren until somebody got you a fucking napkin.
If you've ever wondered what a shitshow is, just watch me at the bar on a Friday. Or Tuesday. Take your pick.
I just want to have beer shits in my own bathroom. Is that too much to ask for?
If you don't wanna wax my ass just say so.
He seemed genuinely disappointed when I told him I wasn't going to make out with him to Bring Me To Life by Evanescence so I feel like I've pinpointed the breaking point of this relationship
I love you. Doing a double. Going to die. It will be painful. Let the world know i partied. God, did i party.
She demanded to see my stimulus package, I had to go over.
Randomize
