Dude, I woke up at my ex's house. I am spooning her half naked roommate. There is a pizza on my shoulder. I need you to come pick me up.
dont quote avril lavinge. im to drunk.
For some reason, Oliver from Hannah Montana reminds me of pudding.
how much land on farmville do you have now? i sold all my shit to make room i need more money... these animals need to know I'm running a business not a charity.
I think when she wakes up, she'll either kill me, or laugh. I hope she laughs.
I think she's a little more wasted than usual. She just crawled on the floor to tell mom it was time to take a shot.
Yes, that's a picture of my balls. It isn't however an answer to my question.
If i need to get strippers involved i will.
There's not an emojicons for I think I ripped my asshole and want to die.
Beer pong consisted of me throwing a ball at the wall and then falling over because moving my arm made me dizzy. I think our team lost.
Come over we're celebrating the one month anniversary of her first 4/20
We got Pizza Hut & Papa Johns, delivered within seconds of each other, and both delivery people did a shot. I was put on Earth for this moment.
We turned a watering can into a margarita bong.
I can't tell if my bong is gender-neutral or not
after attempting to eat a candy cane bigger than my hand i have determined there's no way to eat this that doesn't seem erotic