hahahahahahhahahahaha. 26, Dominican, has a funny accent, thinks I'm hot. Tots boning.
you mean i was at the winter classic?
I'm returning our mountain of beer cans, while wearing a Budweiser sweatshirt. i don't look like an alcoholic.
The bathroom is trashed. Someone took down all the rings of the shower curtain and Scott threw up on the curtain liner. All the soap and shampoo is in the guest bedroom and the lightbulbs are in a drawer. And there are vom footprints.
OK, the bar's closing. Do I go to home to my wife or my girlfriend?
Looking for the remote in the couch. Finding Adderall beads. Considering utilizing.
how many past hook-ups can i invite to go bar hopping with me for my b-day before it becomes a bad idea?
She was wearing my robin hood hat from Halloween shouting "steal from the rich and give to the poor, mothafuckaaaaas." We are taking her everywhere.
i’m not very adjusted to having free time. for example, I forgot how much fun it is to masturbate.
I think we need to stage an Intervention. Her Instagram is a call for help.
YOU GAVE HIM A BLOWJOB ON YOUR DOORSTEP?!
That seems dangerous to buy acid from a stranger on craigslist
My body looks like ricotta cheese had a vacation
dude can you explain to me why i woke up on your sisters floor with moutain dew and chips everywhere
i dont know im at your house.
FYI bail money is still in my drawer. I know you have no car but you need to know this for tomorrow.
Randomize
