I felt like helen keller
But she could have totally found that shit before me
if he's not good at sex i should be allowed to have sex with someone who is. that's a totally legit statement i think
Hulk Hogan has now convinced 2 women to marry him & I have yet to have a successful or healthy relationship. I am officially depressed.
This smoking ban is really fucking with my ability to fart in public
Well the weddings in 4 days so I already got the eightball lined up and the wii fit all warmed up. Still wanna bet I wont lose 20 pounds by the wedding?
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
And if it was a miscarriage you should figure out whose it was. He must be an alphamale for his offspring to sustain life this long in the amusement park that is your body
He was president of his frat and had a clap on disco ball in his room... or course I slept with him
We got caught having sex in the bathroom by my professor. In accordance with tradition, we still brofisted. I think my grade went up considerably.
The sex is great, I just think it'd be better if we listened to Deftones during it.
I'm like the big dick whisperer.
Just had someone from Hells Angels snort coke off my tits...so I'm pretty much done with life now. 💀
You know I was thinking and I've never seen a penis in a whirlpool before
Ugh. My life is a never ending cycle of bad decisions and taquitos.
you stood in front of the mirror for 20 minutes and finally said, "he can hear everything i'm saying inside my head. we need to leave." now try and tell me there is no such thing as too high.
Randomize
