Who said anything about talking that was a booty call
Everytime she tries to call me all I can think about is when she tripped walking down my steps during her walk of shame. Then I laugh until it goes to voicemail
.....then i was kicked out of my work christmas party......
We don't have a ruler. Come downstairs and lay in the snow with a boner so we can see how much snow we've gotten. Put your 8 inches to a less shameful use.
We had an indepth conversation about his employment at Arbys..
after we had sex he told me his original plan was to have sex with my roommate but his buddy likes her so i was backup
thanks for paying me in special brownies...but brownies dont pay the rent...anymore.
I fake pass out to avoid hookups sometimes. Last night I fake slept on my bathroom floor for like 2 hours before the guy left.
Code red. She won't talk to me. Maybe it has something to do with her raccoon eyes. Perry said there was a brief moment of towel fighting until you passed out. Did you draw the turtle on my ass?
The more and more I think about it, the more I realize... it's not ok to just pull over on the side of the highway to pee... I'm sorry I argued that
Whatever I'm getting wasted, my costume's bomb, and there's a good chance I'm getting laid. Not letting stupidity ruin my night!
We went to Olive Garden so high we didn't talk and managed to be awkward enough for the waiter to ask if it was our first date
The cops spotted my on my walk of shame down the boardwalk and gave me a ride home. I'm starting to make a name for myself here.
i accidentally gave my stepdad ketamine so id say it was a fun weekend.
Sorry you uh had to see that last night. That's the problem with open fields, no privacy...
Randomize
