I passed out in the cab. Woke up to the cabby yelling SIR SIR WE ARE AT THE TRAIN STATION!! SIRRRR!!
dude we were spooning naked in bed with her ass in my crotch. she sharted in her sleep all over my dick.
Ugh I just know that when I take off his pants his underwear will have Megan's Law written all over them.
Update: no underwear. Greeeeen light.
How do you get a cum stain out of a trampoline?
So my graduate coordinator is possible gay man. I may have just found the easiest way to a degree ever.
Good plan b, put your number on all your forms. Hello gamefull employment.
Take that integrity
Stop. You don't mean that. Tequila might mean that. But you don't mean that.
throwing up in the shower isnt as glamorous as i expected
since when the fuck is that glamorous?
You should know that Team Beyonce's Vagina dominated in pong last night
Speaking of roommates, Kelsey and I woke up to urine in our trash can. Neither one of us is willing to admit to it so we've come to the conclusion that someone snuck into our room in the middle of the night
It was all cool until he grabbed my vag and started screaming: THIS IS MINE.
AND I JUST GOT FUCKING DAUGHTER ZONED. NO. I'M DONE. I HATE BOYS. ASEXUALITY HERE I COME.
Dude you spent 20 minutes on the phone with dominos answering machine trying to order a pizza
I just walked away from a youth soccer tournament popping every birth control pill I had left in the pack.
He said did you just interrupt me midsentence to admire another man's penis?
I give out orgasms like candy and ride a motorcycle...how is that not appealing
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