if any two of us come back from the bar and aren't getting laid we will systematically destroy everything in the kitchen
Half Baked? Au contraire, Ben and Jerry, I was fully baked when I ate that whole pint of ice cream.
ejected that DVD during the department meeting.. it was our porn from last night. I have a new nick-name at work.
I drank almost a whole fifth last night. Woke up with blood everywhere wearing a "stereotype this" tshirt. How fitting
yeah you're probably right.. i should stop equating love with getting naked on a webcam for him.
Even my psychiatrist thinks I should fuck the married guy.
Sorry no. I've already promised my first single hookup to somebody.
He is juggling broken glass botttles, I think its time to cut him off...
He broke up with me over the phone while I was getting my bush waxed into a "D" for his surprise birthday present. Talk about bad timing...
Keep it up. It gets easier when you turn 21. Something happens in people's brains when they turn 21 and all of a sudden you have the power to drink constantly and abuse drugs and still graduate with good grades and your shit together. Im almost positive I read it in my freshman year bio textbook
Dear Jesus. Send me strength to not suck cock this morning.
I was so fucked up last night that I peed on his FATHER'S BED and fell asleep there. and yes. his father was asleep in the bed
Getting blackout drunk infront of my family was never on my bucket list, but now that I've done it I'm cool with it.
I managed to convince her that the egg yolks were actually orange juice and she fell for it
Of course he’s dumb. He’s got a 9 inch dick! There’s not enough blood in his body for a big dick and a big brain. It’s science
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