You took my girl thats shot the Fuck out. You better watch your skinny ass.
That's barely a sentence. Who's your girl? I think you've got the wrong number. I haven't even lived in Alabama for 4 years.
Yeah, I do, I'm sorry. I meant 205 not 256. sorry about that.
Good luck with your revenge in Birmingham.
I'm looking at pot farms on google earth. Google should be proud I found a real purpose for it to serve.
Somehow I gave him blood blisters on his dick...I don't know if I'm that good or that bad.
Just realized I left my heels in their microwave. Whoops.
Holy christ fuck what has my trainwreck of a life come to just blew a 17 year old so help me god
You can wear my underwear. It'll be like old times.
I just took two shots of Burnerts out of a ladle. Get here now.
I was cracking open beer cans, throwing them off the roof, and yelling "FRAG OUT!"
Owwwww. Yeah. I can barely move unless Im high on vicodin. We are bad at drinking/balancing. We will be the first to break hips and have to go into a home.
I'm high. The text bubbles floating do no justice to the underwater experiences
Come home, I'm drunk on the porch and pretending to smoke breadsticks like cigarettes. Enticing, right?
There's no sexy way to moan the name Ernest. Or Ernie. This relationship is fucked
Drunk level: ugly crying in the bar upon discovery of sweet tarts and not smarties.
so we just got back from swapping peoples patio furniture around to different patios. some people might like unexpected change. others might regret living on the ground floor.
just showered sitting down cuz standing seemed like too much work, thursdays need to stop making me their bitch.
Randomize
