hey my socially awkward cousin is our designated driver for summer, we just have to put up with her wierd shit.
i think i want to fuck a midget just to see how difficult it would be
Ur just texting me random shit. That's what Twitter is for
Nothing like a little anal leakage to start off Sunday morning. Can't decide if that speaks well of my weekend or not...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Please tell me that text was part of your elaborate Brett Favre costume; otherwise, dude, wtf?
Apparently she doesn't appreciate the significance of eskimo sisterhood as much as I do.
in light of our recent drunken behavior, i think it's time we seriously consider hiring ourselves a babysitter.
I just wanted to clarify that I am not bisexual and had no intentions of ACTUALLY penetrating my roommate with a can of bugspray.
I definitely paid for a case and a fifth and all I got was 6 beers and a crown and coke. Wtf. Bar math sucks
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He took getting"shit in your neighbors hot tub drunk" way to literally
Did I really make him pull over to give the homeless guy my bra?
I just KNEW this was gonna happen. NEVER say "all the free Jameson you can drink" around Tina.
Thanks for fingering me to orgasm during Wu-Tang Clan
He told me I was a good dog mom. I've never been so turned on in my life
Sometimes a man just deserves to get woken up with a blowjob.
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