I threw up under water while wearing a hockey helmet last night. Awesome.
I forgot how hot balto sounded
I'm the only kid serving jury duty. And I'm the only one who may walk out of here in handcuffs for a warrant. I'm enabling these people to doubt America's youth once again.
drunkie insisted on stuffing the rest of his scrambled eggs in his pockets before we left ihop. we really should have left a better tip
You would be married by May if you put half as much energy into getting straight guys as you do into getting gay guys
Aaaand my life has been reduced to whether I can reach to flush my puke down the toilet using my foot. The answer is yes.
I didn't even realize I grinded on a security guard last night. Shit. Did he at least like it?
We christened the whole apartment and fucked on the balcony. It was amazing. I'm 100% sure downtown heard me climax. Now we can unpack.
I know I'm moving in six days but getting wine drunk and laying in bed just sounds so good right now
that sounds horrible...
what could possibly go wrong attempting to re-enact the dinosaur capture scene from Jurrasic Park... I have the net gun and camcorder you have the dino costume and can run
Just fell out of the attic onto the garage floor. Okay but might go for an x ray. Smashed one of the kitchen drawers to bits.
Holy Shit Mom
Access to a Target is paramount to my general happiness and self-worth.
when i saw him today i think my vagina did the equivalent of a stomach growl... its been to long
its a comptetion of fuckups and im HERE TO WIN
The dog peed on the neighbors baby Jesus. No wonder she thinks we're the devil.
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