my sex list reads like a who's who of mcdonald's general managers
Reason #437 to hate Louisiana: Just went to the public bathroom at work. It was so humid the toilet seat was damp and sticky. Either it's the humidity or I sat in somebody's yesterday piss. I choose to believe the humidity.
you're out of your mind
you look like daphne blake and he looks like fozzie bear
it's like he rubbed a lamp and wished you into existence
Eating alone in the dark with one candle. This is sorta sad.
I like the one of me you and her but you're looking at me...Total foreshadowing right there. I'm cropping it
Dude i'm seriously thinking about his nipples.
Don't be alarmed at the girl laying on your bathroom floor.
i decided i'll just settle for a gay guy who can manage to fuck me like the straight guys do. but here i go again, talking about my dream man.
there's a liquor store near my therapist
i might give it a shot.
You better wipe the dick of your lips before you come smoke this blunt.
We stared down the barrel of pure insanity, took more and the electric elephant god rewarded our fearlessness by giving me golden skulls and naked women crawling out of the walls. I love acid
Just to an Octoberfest and a sex party. Nothing wild.
Speeding home on my break at work because I forgot to grab my Percocets that I have because getting through work sober's too hard
I was driving around a golf cart with a keg in the back before I got caught by the cops. First slow speed chase ever
I'm about to eat a honey mustard chicken salad on the toilet while I try to shit. You really think I care about what "kind of guy he is?" The fuck out of here.
If you don't care, I don't. Good luck finding prince charming.
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