i just found five singles in my underwear?! im suspicious but delighted none the less
You kept buying everyone Washington apple shots, and telling us we needed to support local produce.
This frat boy drinking a forty and wearing a pussy patrol shirt just ran out in front of my car. I should have used less brakes.
the bank didn't screw up, i spent 150$ at mcdonalds last night
I like how the only thing you spelled correctly is "i'm tequila"
Well on the bright side, I only need a sophomore to complete the fuck-a-guy-from-every-year-challenge.
you fully convinced the taxi driver that we were in a race
He told me i had to sleep under his bed. He said it would be my castle.
Apparently I used ziplock bags to smuggle my drink out with. By pouring it in one, then cut the corner like it was an icing bag later that night. What is wrong with me?
The heart of my unhappiness in my job is that it's not a place where coworkers and I can draw dicks on everything to amuse each other
She really is something else.
Words cannot describe what though. The best way to describe her is to say it like watching a bear and a whale have sex. You don't know why it's happening or how. But it's rather funny and you can't look away.
He got hit with a horseshoe, set on fire, fell out of a tree, and puked all over the side of his car, all before midnight. Everclear.
I spent $31 at mcdonalds last night. Threw my nuggets all over the yard, ate them out of the snow, picked a fight about it, vomited, then passed out.
Naked.
we were clicking our heels together saying theres no place like home, while the cops were tellin us to call our parents and tell them what happened.
I think I fell in love last night
That guy had a face tattoo and was named Cheddar. Please tell me you’re kidding.
Randomize
