At my boss' house at a bbq. Had a few beers. Taking a poop - there's no TP...this is my nightmare.
apparently they started giving me water shots and i couldnt tell the difference
she says it's "been amazing lately"
i think basically because i hate her so much i'm trying to break her in half
I didn't think it was possible for the human body to be physically dependant on weed until I moved in with this kid
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm done trying to be a vegetarian. My vagina smells like hummus.
just found the land before time on youtube... I'm so fucked for finals
He said hes taking shrooms and watching jurassic park so we're making a t-rex costume
we need ur ladder
Whenever you feel bad about your life, just remember the time I tried to swim while high and thought for a minute I was genuinely drowning
in a thick russian accent she said "im not so good with english, much better with dick"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Change the recording on your voicemail. He found your number and my ass print on the car hood.
The bachelorette started when I opened the door and they threw a few dozen dildos at me.
Well, I made it all the way to the gas station. And from there, I begged a cab driver who was parked outside, to give me a piggy back ride the final 2 blocks to my apartment. I wasn't in the cab. Didn't have to pay. Drunk me is smart, and very lazy.
Only Tommy would bring a stripper pole to a bonfire
You called his parrot a seagull, a pigeon and a rat with wings, and told it to go eat Cheetos out of a dumpster.
there is a guy with a glowstick staff outside my house
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