If I could text you the sound of me vomming, I would.
Don't worry. I has chaperone.
While we were having sex he told me "this is what you get for not parking my car right" I have never drove his car. He was that kind of weird.
I consider it a good night. I met Jimmy Buffet, who grabbed my ass, and I body-checked a toddler. She had it coming.
lets just use each other and get past this awkward stage. forget my name.
I may or may not have traded sexual favors for Disney on Ice tickets.
He said I could pay him back in blow jobs. What's the going rate for those these days?
"I wasn't planning on buying a chicken, but I bought it anyway." --some guy on the bus with a chicken
"Yeah, I only have nine toes." --that same guy
I'm mad at him and disappointed with you. It's like I put a bunch of effort into a PowerPoint of "what not to do with Zach" to show you and the first bullet point was "do not love him" and you're just disregarding all my effort and friendship.
I have to make mistakes myself to learn from them
FUCK YOU I AM MAKING A POWERPOINT
I don't know bro. If a girl makes you cum hard enough that you pull a back muscle, she might be the perfect one to call for a massage on said muscle.
well considering the guy who just delivered my cookies had to console me as i had a mental breakdown in front of him i'd say i'm 4/10 right now, thank you
I accidentally called my professor daddy...and I think he liked it. Help, I'm scared.
Was about to close the deal last night until he said he hadn't seen the Taylor Swift video. So I made him watch it before I let him have sex with me.
I thought since you asked to see my dick I might as well say hi
sooo, that video of you eating lasangna with the strobe going magically reappeared on my phone
Randomize
