He fucking owes me dinner after I gave him head under the deck behind the bar.
The walk of shame is far, far worse on crutches.
some girl that im facebook friends with has H1N1, im scared to even go to her facebook page
I just criticized a porno's use of editing. Film school is ruining me.
you called me in the middle of the night, wandering the streets, in search of "the ultimate burrito"
After he finished going down on me he came up from under the covers, threw his hands into the air and shouted "take that lesbians!" and finished with "and we have dicks!"
Which outfit says "I'm sorry for your loss but we're still banging later"?
She took one look at my hardon and said, "You have a dick built for anal."
That wasn't a compliment.
God I need to stop before there's a picture of my dick on my mom's phone.
I stopped for beer and woke up to a bird on my shoulder. I really need to stop drinking
i tried giving myself a bikini wax.1. i hate you 2. i think i'm dying
Sitting naked in my bed eating leftover Mexican food drinking coors light.. Can it get any more single than this?
And he kept lifting up his shirt every few minutes to check if his nipples were still there
Gatorade without vodka just doesn't taste the same
Holy shit he’s stupid hot! If you don’t hurry up and make a move my ovaries are going to march over there and introduce themselves
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