So when exactly did I get naked and makeout with the statue?
just got a hand job during a movie in class today is gonna be great!
They had miseltoe over the keg.... thats cheating
She guessed my name 9 times, and 5 of those times she guessed Mike. Figured that'd be an easy target for the night.
It's like playing clue with my own life. I have to piece together what I did, where I was, how I did it, and who I did it to
He picked me up went to throw me on his bed. I landed on the wood frame. That's how I broke my rib. We still fucked. Thanks tequila. Best injury ever
You better fuck one or both of those bitches and bring me pictures that will make me uncomfortable
I can do at least one of those things.
Yo, go checkout Kerri's Instagram quick! There's like 12 pics of her fucking some guy in a bar's bathroom. GO GO GO GO!!!!
The inside of my nose has felt like the guy's face falling off from raiders of the lost ark all week
looked up people from my old yearbooks. 3 ex boyfriends are gay. im getting drunk now.
On a happier note, I can fit in my old shorts. Dope does have its perks
Is there a single word to describe 'the last guy she slept with before meeting her husband'? Cause there should be.
you ass-dialed me while you were fucking my ex.
that was on purpose.
Yeah I passed out. The last thing I remember is the lady telling me I couldn't play the clarinet with my nose.
I woke up on the damn lawn again...it's not even summer yet
Randomize
