Pls don't use the words alligator, purple, and sperm in the same sentence ever again.
NEWS FLASH: A bottle of wine can fit into a taco bell cup.
I hid drinks in her bathroom closet.... like a squirrel... a squirrel who knew she was going to get cut off soon
She said I was the most selfish person in bed she's ever been with and she's fucked Tucker Max.
I have nothing to lose. And a bunch of dick to gain.
Why am I getting texts saying are you ready for this butthole? Help
I feel like the only way to get him to stop is by telling him i'm tired from fucking our other friend every night this week
the only thing I remember was some guy took out his fake eye to use it for beer pong
I woke up naked with a duck on my head. I think something went horribly wrong.
I screenshoted his dick pic the other day because it literally looked like a brontosaurus. Like that really tall dinosaur that eats grass. Like I wanna draw a face on it.
You sat down in the middle of the road and started crying. We told you "Get your ass up or we're leaving you here." You replied "They'll findddd meeeeee" and ran after us.
I need to stop using "I went to the Harry Potter theme park" as my pickup line.
Try me, you 5'5 gremlin
Nothing quite like spending your evening singing Shania Twain I Feel Like a Woman barbershop quartet Style with some homeless guys outside of Keyport liquor. love Shania Twain. How's your Sunday?
Is it too much to ask to have a life partner who has both male and female sex organs that looks cute and sounds like a female Antonio Banderas and likes to get weird?
Randomize
