I just saw my grandmother naked. again. this needs to stop now.
don't get me wrong, i love how you're fun and free spirited. but there are some situations...like shooting down a bottle of sambuca standing in the shallow end topless surrounded by my friends
I'm cooking a can of baked beans on the baseboard heater. It is too early in the semester to be this poor.
I could tell by the Randy 'Machoman' Savage "hey brother" that you were beyond inebriated
Ahhh November 1st. National Untagging Day
mom just made me 'sorry-you-have-hpv-pancakes'
The cop was more concerned with the syringes on the dash board than looking for the source of the smoke. Thank god for diabetes!
He says he invented a new sex move called The Redbird that we can only do when I'm on my period. Should I be concerned?
i'm hungover but need to study so i had a vodka orange juice, three ibuprofen and an adderall for breakfast. what up med school
I'd be 10x more excited if going out didn't require pants or the general giving of fucks
I convinced a German girl that I was born while my mom was water skiing and I preceded to barefoot ski behind her via the umbilical cord...
did you just send me my own nude
It's astonishing how many Ludacris lyrics you know
Look at us. Planning our business meeting. Including snacks like shrooms & trail mix.
I used to shoot steroids in my ass but for a totally different reason
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