anal on a first date. tsk tsk.
all I remember was being half naked drinking water on my hands and knees from her dogs water bowl.
of course. lets lasso hookers.
You unbuttoned your shirt and started walking down the center of the road screaming traffic stops for Enrique Iglesias.
We can grow old together and our livers can fail together
You'd be surprised at how many crooked penises are out there
I'm just gonna wear a long dress with no panties today. My pussy needs a break.
You christened everyone with a powdered doughnut and then tried to absorb vodka with your nipple.
Instead of getting a taxi some gay black guy drove us home. He is trying to break into the taxi business
Way to promote small business.
Still not sure if my open-bar-week-long-trip to Cuba is the best idea as a congratulations-for-my-sober-february-challenge. My liver might just explode and give up.
Sex with him is like pizza, it can be shitty but its stillll pizza.....
Yay! Also. When you're coming down eat waffles and touch yourself. You won't regret it.
I'm getting "congrats on your engagement" shots. I need to get engaged more often!
So you've been sexting me while spending time with your family
I'm a family man but I have priorities
I'll be an awkward "I've had the grooms penis in my mouth" presence and we can party our nipples off.
Randomize
