I woke up with spaghetti in my mouth
hapi new year, hope this year brings u happiness and lots of sexi people ;)
stop writing like that.
i'm sorry, i thought "hey, she wants TO FUCK YOU" was a good enough cue
They have beer in plastic boots. How am I supposed to resist that?
It's now 3:30 and the guy I went home with is showering me with shredded cheese. Nbd.
because drunk making out is frowned upon in museums i think
How am I supposed to be friends with him when there's an exact replica of his dick in my underwear drawer?
Taking a shit on the side of the road is not how I imagined this morning would start.
If I pissed all over some chicks bed I would probably apologize for getting so wasted, not putting out, and turning into a god damn R. Kelly Cinderella... Not ask for coffee and a ride home.
Sweating vodka and spray tan, I feel like a trophy wife.
I want to sit on top of her nipple mountains and reenact the Ricola commercial.
I apparently got up in the middle of the night after fucking him and started looking for you under piles of his clothing
By NOT going to the gym, I'm helping my future. I don't want stripping, prostitution, or porn to be viable money making options.
Well... This is my last night at the resort. So far, the only thing that has been in my vagina is sand.
he was wearing pj pants, thank you for not letting me go home with him
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