I seriously love my fucking boobs. They are so boobs.
quit re-tweeting John McCain's tweets
at a bonfire and someone threw a plastic cup in the fire. everyone immediately stopped what they were doing to yell collectively at him about what he was doing to the environment, then went back to drinking
only in oregon
I woke up to him climbing naked through my bedroom window with a bottle of jd in his hand. Of course I had sex with him.
all you kept saying from the spare room was "can you bring me a puke bowl...and the cat"
This is the guy who showed up to the first day of class with a 24 pack of coke and a handle of rum in his backpack. He doesnt play by normal people rules.
just fought my dog for the chicken pie I dropped on the floor.
She said, "I don't really go out much, but my husband recently cheated on me" and I don't remember anything after that.
its not like she's the last girl on the planet with symmetrical breasts and great skin
i knew as soon as i met you that i was gonna be the designated driver
How would your parents feel if we installed a sex swing?
This is stupid. I am not getting knocked up from fucking in his backseat behind a starbucks. I refuse.
I saw his new girlfriend. She was flashing people, short and kinda chubby. I was happy with my life after that.
when i saw him today i think my vagina did the equivalent of a stomach growl... its been to long
Standing straight up with intensity he came in his own mouth. I know this because he showed me the video from five different angles when asked if I would like him to demonstrate. And I did.
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