I asked my mom, she said yes...but you have to shower with grandpa.
Turns out I'm like the Wayne Gretzky of hiding cum. Who knew?
I was speaking french the whole night. Until i got arrested. Then I decided I should probably start speaking English.
my new ipod has external speakers and a video camera...all i can think about is how much more convenient it would be for me to make a pretty decent sex tape
You were rubbing your foot on one of your legs and kept saying, "My sock feels like a waterslide!"
you were sitting on the floor eating oats. how should i react?
Thanks for not stopping me when I decided to call my mom at 2 in the morning to ask her where I was born
I peed in my sheets during a dream. Like straight up. A whole new drunk.
I just laid my head on this pillow and I smelt your penis. It was comforting.
I know it's not technically the "Mile High Club" but we def need a name for the airport bathroom. Cuz that just happened.
It's a toss up. They'll either laugh and watch you drunkenly fuck on the beach or they'll throw you deep in Mexican jail.
My mom asked me if I ever go on dates. I had to suppress the urge to ask if having casual sex with a freshmen counts as dating
My dad slapped my ass the other day and say I was "doing the family name good". I feel...proud
Oh. So it is a cult
Basically. But a nice cult. They eat muffins and talk about fundraising.
You went to pound town last night and chow town this morning. Boy you need a passport.
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