My secretary told me she wishes she can have an affair with someone in the office (she's separated from her cheating husband)...Umm...Okaaay
please say your awake. the girl i brought home last night...any idea on a name? she isnt up yet...
dude I just sharted for the first time ever, kind of gross
well what did you think, shitting your pants would be fun
I wish I could rss feed the hooker ads on craigslist because it looks suspicious that I check craigslist every hour.
there's something so ridiculous to me about watching someone with glasses exercising. it's like watching a whore studying in the library. stop trying to be someone you're not.
She used to be a real nice person. Now she's just a dick sucking machine
I never thought I would say this but I have to clean queso off my vibrator
A worker across the alley is wearing your sombrero sans cat barf.
That dick who always called me a slut in high school showed up at the clinic with boner problems. Then I was assigned as his nurse. Who's laughing now. I AM.
Waking up with a sore back because you put the team on it for jager pong all night
Want to come over and rub aloe on my tits?
Sex in the corn maze.....not as good as advertised.
I just folded my boss's lingerie. I need a drink and a raise
Does anyone remember last night? Because I still don't know why I now own a goldfish and a ceiling fan made of pizza?
My eye was non-stop itchy for like an hour... I thought burying my face in your ass caught up with me
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