I blacked out in 45 minutes and woke up with a missed call from someone I saved in my phone as the karate kid.
you need to know that there is a kid here wearing an i mosh for Jesus shirt
I thought that since they were twins... they would be equally as good in bed
I had sex with her because I didn't want to hurt her feelings.. You're the one who told me I should be more sensitive.
They got a 10 foot tall beach ball from the roof of a McDonalds. Get the fuck over here.
I was just reelected president of justgotlaidsylvania
I found our waiter on grindr, gave him my number, and got him to send a dick pic. Still not getting laid but close enough?
I'm gonna eat more dunkaroos to cope with what's in my vagina.
It was like being run over by an orgasm freight train.
I can't get the smell of burned penis out of the house
I accidentally told my mom I broke my drug nail this weekend
You screamed out "happy birthday Jesus" followed by chugging Bacardi straight out the bottle
Married dude I had an affair with 10yrs ago was at table next to us at dinner last nite. My mom asked him to take a pic of us & then commented how cute he was as they left. Do I tell her he’s got a huge D too?
I told the border patrol officer she was smuggling drugs in her ass. I doubt she cheats on me again.
I heard Enya coming from steve’s room. I am too high to handle this sudden depth of character
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