Already got asked if we're dating
I kind of wish I was already fat. So I could eat all I want and not worry about getting fat. Cause I'd already be at that point.
He gave me the "I've pictured you while jerkin off" look
Can we please just celebrate being alive this far into the school year and just get drunk?
It's now 3:30 and the guy I went home with is showering me with shredded cheese. Nbd.
I have an odd instinct I wont find my underwear tonight
You just kept shouting "I AM AN ADULT!" until he agreed to carry you home on his shoulders.
I like to take my ritalin one pill at a time with each pill spaced out a couple minutes so I feel like I'm going super saiyan when they kick in.
I have to shower first, I forgot I peed on my feet last night...
Just saw a woman in bootie shorts and a winter coat at the library. God. Bless. Prostitutes.
Just casually ripping a bowl in the chicken coop, with the chickens. NBD
Just gave my pregnant cat a safe sex talk. That high.
A Morman just tried to recruit me and I told him "Trust me, you don't want me"
Trouble in the neighborhood - turns out my brother's summer lawn care gig also entailed banging three different MILFs and they just all found out about each other
Gotta pay for college somehow...
It's all fun and games until your mom recognizes your bootycall from 2018 as her attorney
Randomize
