If hangovers were people John Goodman would be living in my skull trying to eat the back of my eyes
he thought i was a dude.
That's the great thing about NY, if you pee your dress you have an entire cab ride to air dry your panties before the next club.
where'd the toddler underneathe the beer pong table come from?
At what point in my life was I not hugged enough to be on my fourth walk of shame in half as many weeks?
story update. I'm locked out of my house. Walk of shame advisory extended...
Lets just say I chased with a burrito.
They're basically the Kennedys. This is the family I fucked in to. I'm so proud of my vagina as much as it feels shitty for my heart.
Just so you know the unusual amount of skittles on your floor is entirely your own fault. You bought me 20 bags of them while I was high.
That's a good 5 hours of "I have no fucking idea what I did".
Glad I can drunkenly remember to not get tomatoes on my Mexican pizza but can't tell a guy to keep his hands off my ass
He sent me a dick pic from his living room and it has pictures of his three kids in the background
When you make me feel sane and well-adjusted, it is time to reevaluate your night out habits. Just sayin'.
Just got thrown out of the club for making condom water balloons. I'm not ashamed.
in the future we should consider sippy cups so we can drink and passout accordingly
Randomize
