i wish sherlock holmes were still around today... he'd be able to find my g-spot.
alright got my week's quota of sex in, ready for modern warfare 2
i woke up this morning cuddling with a 3 foot statue of Jesus. heaven here i come
We are two peas in an std pod
We decided I could make bicurious-jitos or ho-meh-jitos or heteroflexible-jitos. But not homojitos.
We just ended up getting drunk and doing field sobriety tests on each for practice... No one remembers who passed.
Tim john just told us the story about him losing his virginity at 14 during church on the emergency exit staircase. This is day drinking?
Update. He just picked me up and tried to demonstrate
I'm gonna go drown myself in the shower. Make sure to cover me up before the paramedics arrive. I'm too fat to be seen naked right now.
Water park on acid. THIS NEEDS TO HAPPEN!!
I would have been the big man on campus...just flop my wang out on the table and how them what they were gonna deal with if they dropped the soap
I'm full of champagne and rage, of course I'm showing up at his house.
You're the only person I know that could get laid while visiting their grandpa in florida
So I just noticed that my last drunk google search before going to bed last night was "ghosts based on gays." I have no idea what that's supposed to mean
I thought about mashed potatoes the whole way home
I am so so sorry I bit your butt last night. Twice.
Randomize
