I'm home now. bring me food and boobies
Dude, the girl next to me just farted. Worst part, it smells like astroglide
It started with Hannah Montana and ended with alcoholism.
dude skip the party. it is a fucking post office here
what the hell does that mean?
nothing good but a whole lotta male and packages
I've been meaning to ask you. The first night in the city did we do key bumps with a suicidal homeless man? My memory is fuzzy
well this is gonna sound really bad but we were fooling around on sandra's electrical wheelchair
I needed to do something spontaneous, and since no one had coke this was the next best thing.
As I was throwing up blood I assured concerned onlookers that I had simply "eaten a lot of ketchup today"
Oh btw I learned how to say "my penis is a flamethrower" in German. Tonights gonna be fun
My tuesday consisted of speaking to a federal agent for two hours and watching a roving band of gypsies jump over a fire until 2:30am
I think we r still a few steps from ex sex. In fact, that's never going to happen. I'm just saying on the seething-chemical-fire-of-emotional-distress-to-post -relationship-intercourse scale, I'm closer to fucking than throttling. Progress is fun.
You know I'm having a rough day when I'm curled up in the corner eating Spaghettios.
My roommates said duck dynasty was stupid ... toto i don't believe we're in kansas anymore.
Spent 38 bucks on dollar wells last night. I'm pretty sure my liver is staging a mutiny right now.
So your telling me I can lick your ass but you CAN'T spend my money
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