i just googled "what is oprah really like?" how do YOU think my night is going?
stuffed animals make me feel really maternal.
Why is the word 'best' written on my chest?!!
Tis the season to puke in grandma's bathroom
we should probably just go check in at the police station right now
Im about to get a baby alligator stoned, what are you doing with your life?
get ready to load up the weird cannon and blow a load of buck-wildness all over the place people
As long as I don't spend the half the week passed out/fucked up on Klonopin and no one dies, this will be the best week I've had all semester.
I got an assistant at work. First task was picking me up at a strip club. I was drunk and trying explain how it was work related
Happy anniversary, did you sign and mail in the divorce papers yet?
She has that type of face she reminds me of that weird girl from napoleon dynamite only taller and with hoop earrings.
No I did a yoga dvd and hit my ex up via email for some pot in exchange for his mail.
He said he's going to karaoke tonight and I just spilled a bunch of Cheetos on the floor and ate them all. So that's my night.
I get so sad when I watch him slowly destroy his life with whiskey and cocaine. Then he bites my neck and I just want to fuck him. I can't help it.
I just made myself 3 peanut butter sammies because I was too hungry to watch porn
Randomize
