if this week's events in iraq have taught me anything, it's that when pulling out, always expect a mess...
I just saw a San Diego firetruck. No wonder they can't figure out how to fight wildfires if they get so fucking lost they end up in Nebraska.
I told him "thank you for wearing a turtleneck yesterday, I no longer have a strong erg to have sex with you. " He is no longer speaking to me.
You drunk invited us to do an intervention for you.
He insisted that I looked like Kiefer Sutherland, told me he didn't know what to do about it, then hugged me awkwardly.
just woke up in a camero on the way to nebraska, i would appreciate it if you answered your phone.
She got the hiccups while deep throating me. It was epic. Once in a lifetime experience.
Drunken snow shoveling. Visiting my family is starting to become a seriously risky venture.
Everyone should know the rule that if your dicks touch during a threeway you just make lightsaber noises and move on.
Welcome to a new world. May the gods of weed smile upon you as you embark on exploring this new dimension.
currently googling "apology gifts for when you poop on their floor"
The date did not go well. Turns out I once set her brother on fire.
She left a cookie cake on my porch, and the frosting reads "I'm sorry". She left me an I'm-sorry-for-punching-you-in-the-face cake.
It was sweet, he carried me out of my bathroom after I passed out, built me a pillow fort so I wouldn't roll out of bed, set a glass of water on the table, and brought me a mixing bowl to puke in. Totally a sign we're more than just fuckbuddies.
Unless it has to do with ramen, goldfish, cheese, or rugby, don't talk to me.
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