Call me when you're up
Great dream, you were in it
Definitely locked eyes with the stripper who gave me a lapdance last night as she walked by me and into the Ann Taylor Loft in Times Square.
she kept checking the clock when she was giving me head and at midnight she said she had to stop because she cant eat meat on fridays is that bitch serious
my sombrero is too big for the bathroom
It doesn't matter if I tell the story beginning to end or end to beginning, the story still starts with a random girl blowing me in the bathroom.
I just found a babydoll head in my sink where we ripped it off and did shots out of it.
Woke up with a full plate of KFC next to my face. I didn't really question it.
The girl I hooked up with in exchange for Ramen freshmen year is living with the girl I currently wish to bang.
Try oodles of noodles this time.
I feel like fucking him is something we all do but don't want to admit to. like masturbating or peeing in the shower
Daquari drive throughs 24 hours a day. LORD HAVE MERCY
He must have sensed I was about to trade him in...he's really stepped up his sex game
You left a motherfucking bruise. ON MY TIT. How? How do you even. No.
Went to night shots with Kayla... she punched this guy and I got his friends number. Not sure if she's the best or worst wingman ever.
Best ethics paper a stoner could write. I called my professor Dr. Superfly Arandia. And I'm pretty sure I used "respect the hustle" somewhere in there too.
on a scale from 1 to "can't put a toothbrush in your mouth without gagging" how hungover are you?
Randomize
