For some reason, Oliver from Hannah Montana reminds me of pudding.
That's cute.
I can actually hear my brain cells scream as they die when she speaks.
My 10 year old brother handed me a pack of condoms and said "here, i don't wanna be an uncle yet."
this ms. usa coverage has sucessfully humbled every girl here. depressed fish in a leaky barrel. go!
Woke up in my underwear and Christmas sweater. Only. Eggnog has won the battle but not the war.
Imma need a double jack on the rocks and a BJowsky from the hot bartender.
Yes I said BJOWSKY. Pronounced "buh jow skii".
It's pretty self explanatory. You tried to have sex on the hood of a car in front of everyone
I told some guy on tinder, that apparently has a prosthetic leg, that I think we started off on the wrong foot. I hate myself...
Well, he didn't buy me a birthday present but he sure did give me chlamydia so there's that.
this potential sugar daddy just sent me a photo of him butt naked in the woods saying he wants to "grow our spirits together." so i think i found us a new drug dealer!
I'm gonna try and get through this weekend sober, which is gonna be tough especially since I've already started drinking.
I just threw up into a baby carriage. There was a baby in it.
What! I said that you would fall in love? See I know better. Dark liquor makes me think everything is a dream. I barely remember saying that
I was totes going to lose it to him last night, but I cried and we ate mexican food instead.
He was all “please don’t bail because I’m missing work for this” last night
Honey no, I need dick. I’m not going to bail
Randomize
