listening to techno makes your hand move faster while masterbating
just went trash diving in my work clothes for weed. A&E's intervention here i come.
We should probably just have a threeway and get everyone on the same page.
I feel if a girl leaves my house the next morning feeling degraded and in desparate need of a shower, then I have succeeded.
Before attempting to fly away into the night you asked me to take care of your sister. I agreed.
Evidently I told a girl she should leave the bar because no one wanted to fuck her.
My makeup looks extraordinary for nine tequila shots, running four blocks, falling asleep with my face in the toilet, and doing the walk of shame across campus in the rain. And to think I'm single.
he says he is going to get you very high and make you leave the country with him
possibly by boat
Dude if you're not gonna answer them I'm gonna stop snapchatting you my hook ups
he told me "apparently my gag reflex doesn't work so if you magically grew a penis I would deep throat you"
no it was not a "magical experience". After we dropped, he just sat there staring at my laptop going "apple makes beautiful things".
If Plan B had a rewards card I would have earned so many free tote bags by now
I can't tell if my roommate is crying or having sex and the fact that there's anime in the background is only making this more confusing
He asked if I was alright. I said "Yeah, I'm just an incapacitated ball of orgasmic bliss right now."
I woke up in nothing but my socks and my hat a cigarette in my mouth and a beer in my hand..........GREAT NEW YEARS
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