A girl limped into my class 15 minutes late wearing sunglasses, leggings, and a kiss me im irish shirt. She sat down and took her glasses off and im pretty sure she only had one eye's makeup still on. Someone had a great st pattys day.
she just uttered the sweetest sentence in the english language...my stripper friends are coming over
She asked me how I live with myself. I told her one night at a time.
It was 5 a.m. and we found him making margaritas with nyquil...
Just saw a motorized bathtub. I think this college thing is gonna work out.
I just don't want to have to pretend at every family function she brings him to that he didn't hit on me first
It can't be good... The last recollection I have is singing lullabys to his penis
I think having a vagina should be considered a skill, give me a break.
In sex ed. they really need to include a lesson on saying tampon in foreign languages, just in case.... Trying to ask the woman at the reception desk, who barely speaks English, for one just turned into an awkward game of charades.
If your find a 12 pack on your doorstep consider it a gentleman's agreement to never speak of that night again
Meet at Walmart straight from work to buy items for hurricane fun. Then blast some wine, make some sex, blast a bowl and cuddle each other till the sun comes up?
That's the most romantic New Orleans hurrication I've ever heard of. Can I have your babies?
Holy shit, I just successfully took and sent a boob pic AT MY DESK I have conquered an entire new level of skill.
It's like sexual waterboarding. You gave me sex so good I'm comparing it to torture. Jesus.
Well sure, my hetero side is thrilled, but my gay side is soooo judging
He said he broke his back in 3 spots & my first thought was "there goes my booty call".
Did u have a 2nd thought
I need a new booty call.
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